Joha-Dreams, Tumors, and more

Caitlin Robertson

2012-01-18T15:47:00.000-08:00

Caitlin Ireland Robertson, a dear, dear friend from our younger years of fun and frolick in our small MN town has come back into my life in such a splendid manner. She doesn't yet know, but her music is healing me!

For the past couple of months I have struggled to put down in words my thoughts, fears, and hopes that come sweeping over me in waves of emotion I haven't yet experienced from any of my previous surgeries. As I listen to Caitlin's debut album, I realize that these emotions I am feeling are heart ache: Heart break for the parts of me that seem to be lost, it is frightening and a bit overwhelming. I am trusting that through every heart break, comes growth, strength, and most often a most wonderful place that you could not have imagined as you sit in the dark, crying for the loss and for the plans you thought you were making.

These feelings culminate after a phenomenal weekend with my family in Minneapolis. How different to think a couple of years ago I thought I may be racing in the Olympic Trials marathon this past weekend. Instead, I watched coverage with my family as we sat in Marney and Colin's living room. Though not how we had bought we could experience that race, I looked around the living room and felt so loved and lucky to be in that exact place in time. These small, simple moments in live get more and more precious through each passing day.

Thank you Ciatlin, U.S. Marathoners, Marn, Colin, Mom, Dad, Rob, and the rest of "the Fam." Your love, wisdom, laughter, wackiness, and support make an awesome team. I love you!

DEFEAT Cancer

2012-01-11T08:14:00.000-08:00

There are so many things I want to write about this morning, but time is limiting me. I woke up feeling and looking like a small truck ran me over during the night. I could barely get out of bed. And no amount of cold water, under eye serum, or anti-aging cream can help the exhaustion that seems to be exuding from my eyes. I will be certain to sleep lots tonight as I get to go home to MN tomorrow afternoon and need to be rested and healthy for flying.

A quick update as I have attempted to post meaningful posts over the past couple of weeks and I keep getting stuck. Next week however, I am starting a class through the cancer program at the hospital called "how to write your story." I am excited for this and hope that it will help me get my thoughts on paper.

Last night was the first DEFEAT cancer meeting of the year and it was incredible! I felt inspired, supported, and happy. There were orphans from Peru and Liberia there performing song, dance, and music as they spread the word about the orphanage that is helping them. What beautiful souls these children had and such joy to share with us!

And then, Brad, founder of First Descents, spoke to the group. And I am IN. As soon as I am done with work today, I am on that website to find the week that will work for me to join in on an adventure of a lifetime. Watch out, my dream of becoming a surfer might just come to fruition....

And so many more things are happening right now, like I am back to work, but I have to walk to the bus station right now so that I can get to work.

I feel that good things are going to come in 2012!

Christmas

2011-12-21T18:30:00.000-08:00

I am amazed that it is already the week of Christmas! For the first time in my 32 years I am spending the holidays away from MN and my parents. I know I need the rest before heading back to work but I am having a hard time "wrapping" my mind around the holidays without MN cold, snow and my family.

I will love them from afar and embrace the quiet wonder of Christmas for two. Happy holidays to all, I wish you a joyous new year!

Clinique Gift Bag

2011-11-23T15:51:00.000-08:00

As many women may know, you can go to a department store, pay x amount of money for Clinique make-up, lotions, etc and you get a "free gift."

Last Friday, I went to my friends Katie and Jeff's house for dinner. They have the sweetest three children who gave me the most thoughtful, heartfelt gift I have ever received. And it just so happened to be in this "free Clinique gift" bag.

After dinner, their oldest son (8), shyly handed my this little bag which was surprisingly heavy. I asked if they could tell me the story behind it before I opened it up as I had absolutely no idea what to expect. I simply knew that Katie told me they had come up with this idea on their own.

After talking with their parents and knowing I had just had surgery, they decided to help. A couple weeks ago, these three boys (8, 6, 4) had a hot chocolate, cookie stand to help raise money for me! They were out for almost 6 hours serving up goodies to help me. Their goal was to raise $25.00 because they knew that each of my appointments (the co-pay) was that amount! My heart has been lifted and I cannot thank you three enough!

These boys give me such hope and strength.

Bend Family

2011-11-14T08:33:00.000-08:00

As I have been back in Bend for about a month, I am continuously humbled by the love and support of my Bend family. My family can rest assured that I am supported, loved, and taken care of.

A huge thank you to everyone from FootZone as they supported me through individual events while I was in MN! As they ran/hiked the trails, my spirit was with them and can't wait to join again...

And 11-11-11, World Hoop Day!

The incredible hoop community in Bend held a fund raiser to assist me! I am not quite ready to get back in the hoop, but I am hooping in my soul! Thank you all for your love and support.

Sore...or Soar?

2011-11-14T08:21:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a big day for me in the exercise department! And I am actually sore today, what a tremendous feeling. To be sore from a little exercise and not in pain from surgery or drugs is unmatched these days.

Yesterday morning I did my "trek" to the Pilot Butte middle school track where I proceeded to run two full laps without stopping! Now not only am I really wimpy these days, but my vision cut changes my perception of things so it's an interesting new ride to begin running. If things continue to improve, my goal is 1600 meters next Sunday!

In addition to my increased exercise, I got to drop my dose of steroids again yesterday and so far no new head aches or pain so I definitely feel that things are starting to heal and stabilize as the days go by.

And what do I do with my days, you may ask? 3 to 4 appointments each week along with new visual exercises, scanning routines, working on reading skills, and tying to rest as my sleep pattern is much interrupted, my days are surprisingly full!

Some days have definitely been more challenging than others, but I am trying to set at least one goal for each day that will get me closer to the "me" I want to be.

Another chapter

2011-11-01T21:29:00.000-07:00

This post has been challenging for me. Each time I sit down to write, the words just don't seem to be there. Today marks the 6 week point post-surgery and it has by far been my best feeling day to date! I am very thankful to be feeling stronger and ready to take on the next challenge.

Bend is going to be a great place for me to continue on my journey to increased strength, health, and FUN! Over the past two weeks, I have been given the best treatment someone could ever hope for. Rob has cooked every meal for me, trying to figure out what I would like on different days when my appetite was still on the fritz. And did I mention, he is an amazing chef. He has gone on extremely slow walks, helped me with my vision therapy treatment, challenged me to get stronger each day, and we've still had time to have a little fun.

One of the things I am most grateful for and that has helped me immensely is the acupuncture treatments Rob has been doing. They have helped me to get my digestion on the right path, decrease the pain in my head, neck, and back, sleep, and feel more balanced over all. Acupuncture is still fairly new to me and each treatment leaves me a bit amazed, and I love it. Thank you!

And tonight is a moment that I have not really made public as I am not quite ready. But there's no going back at this point. I am starting Temodar (the chemotherapy of choice for brain tumors) tonight. After talking with all of my doctors, we have changed the protocol from last time. I am going to be starting a low dose regimen that is every single day. It is supposed to be much better tolerated and based on my poor (and dangerously low blood counts from last time) we are hoping for an easier time with it. Yet still, the apprehension is there and I do not know what to expect.

Please continue to send me your positive energy, any anti-nausea energy you can afford to spare would be extra appreciated:-) And now I am off to take some anti-nausea med's before the chemo.

fame!

2011-10-17T08:32:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday, Johanna was inducted into the Luther College Athletic Hall of Fame. Betsy, JoHa's Luther coach, delivered a nice induction speech which you can watch here. Click the 'on demand' tab, then click 'hall of fame ceremony.' Johanna's portion starts 15 minutes in.

on her way home (part 2)

2011-10-12T08:54:00.000-07:00

Johanna's doctors found no evidence of infection, blood clot or anything else sinister in her head. I'll see if I can score an interview when she gets back.

a bit better

2011-10-12T05:47:00.000-07:00

As of last night, Johanna was feeling significantly better. One of her doctors thought she had a 'vascular headache' — whatever that is. Johanna is getting an MRI this morning, so we should know more soon.

one step forward, two steps back

2011-10-11T06:58:00.000-07:00

Johanna is currently on her way to Mayo for a checkup, and to have her stitches removed. She's been in rough shape since the weekend with flu-like symptoms. As you can imagine, body aches and nausea are magnified by Johanna's post-surgery state. Hopefully, her doctors will sort everything out this afternoon.

surgery soundtrack

2011-09-29T12:04:00.000-07:00

I was going to post a brain surgery soundtrack before Johanna's surgery, but I ran out of time. Better late than never, right? Here's a playlist to help you rock out during your next tumor removal experience.

The Ramones - I Wanna Be Sedated

Judas Priest - Pain Killer

Pink Floyd - Brain Damage

Green Day - Brain Stew

The Ramones - My Brain Is Hanging Upside Down

The Pixies - Where is my Mind

I'm giving honorable mention status to King Crimson's 21st Century Schizoid Man for the lyric "Neurosurgeons scream for more" and Teenage Lobotomy by The Ramones for the lyric "Now I guess I'll have to tell 'em, That I got no cerebellum."

still improving

2011-09-28T13:11:00.000-07:00

Johanna's daily walks are already exceeding half a mile. She's even ventured off the paved path.

junkie

2011-09-27T06:08:00.000-07:00

It's been one week since Johanna had surgery. She has recovered remarkably well—except for her right wrist, which looks like this:

Those are some track marks and bruises that would put the most degenerate junkies to shame. Here's a soundtrack to accompany that photo.

out on the town

2011-09-24T13:15:00.000-07:00

You know how most people spend a lot of time resting in bed after something traumatic like brain surgery? Well, Johanna is not most people. Not by a long shot.

Johanna & Rob took a field trip up to the Seward Co-op this morning. She clung to Rob or the cart for balance while they stocked up on all that healthy stuff JoHa digs. Her appetite is coming back in a big way—for lunch she downed a bowl of yogurt with berries, flax oil, omega-3-something-or-others and local organic... stuff.

almost out

2011-09-23T12:18:00.000-07:00

Johanna has one more appointment with her neurologist this afternoon, then she'll be released from the hospital!

walkabout

2011-09-22T13:34:00.000-07:00

That was fast. Johanna is up and around on her own.

She has decided that she needed to start a training routine, so here she is on her way to deliver her menu request to the front desk.

That's right, a training routine.

smile time

2011-09-22T10:30:00.000-07:00

Here's a shot of a much perked-up Johanna that Rob took this morning.

That sly smile means either Johanna is feeling better, or she's stoned out of her gourd on pain meds. Either way, it's an improvement.

Rob also sent along some info on the condition affecting Johanna's vision, something called Homonymous hemianopsia. According to Wikipedia, it can be caused by tumors, strokes and even migraines. Johanna's is most likely caused by post surgery swelling. She had the same thing after her 2009 surgery, and it cleared up after a few weeks.

on the mend

2011-09-21T16:37:00.000-07:00

For someone who just had her brain tinkered with, Johanna is remarkably chipper. Here's a shot of our favorite tumor brewer relaxing this morning.

Her vision and balance are still a little wonky from surgery/swelling, but should normalize in time. Johanna's walking is ahead of schedule, and her Physical Therapist was quite impressed with her progress. Side note: the PT was a Luther College alumni, just like Johanna, Marney & myself. Side side note: The Luther connection may sound like an amazing coincidence, but you could go to any town in Minnesota, toss a slice of Mabe's pizza into a crowd, and hit a Luther alum.

Moving on, Johanna has stitches instead of staples this time. Evidently, staples can't be used the third time around. It has something to do with too much accumulated scar tissue. We don't have a photo of the chewy center of Johanna's mellon, but here's the crunchy outside. Enjoy!

good morning

2011-09-21T06:10:00.001-07:00

Johanna is doing really well today. She has minimal pain and no nausea. Her bandage is off and she is talking and smiling. The resident says her wound looks good and she'll move out of ICU later this morning. So she's got that going for her. Which is nice.

Rest

2011-09-20T19:16:00.000-07:00

Johanna's surgery wrapped up a little before 5:00 pm. She spent a couple of hours in recovery and is now resting in ICU. Her nausea and pain are now under control, so hopefully she will get some much deserved rest tonight.

So what happens next? Well, last time Johanna had surgery, her head hurt & she looked like this, then she was nauseous, then I wanted to sneak booze in to the ICU, and finally she felt better.

The next 24 hours in Johanna’s life will likely include headaches, nausea and general malaise, followed by nibbling on saltines and jello. So, basically my Sunday mornings in college. And Saturdays. OK, all week.

she's nearly done!

2011-09-20T14:29:00.000-07:00

Johanna's surgery is basically done, they are closing up her noodle right now. Then she'll be in recovery until around 6:00 and then head on to the ICU.

Dr. Atkinson (her neurosurgeon) came in and said "She is tough as nails. She was smiling on her way in and hopefully will be smiling on her way out".

in surgery

2011-09-20T13:09:00.000-07:00

Johanna is in surgery. Our next update from her doctors will be around 5:00.

O R

2011-09-20T12:18:00.000-07:00

Johanna is under anesthesia and they anticipate surgery beginning around 3:00.

almost go time

2011-09-20T10:04:00.001-07:00

Johanna is being wheeled away for pre-op stuff.

Marney said the prep will take about 90 minutes, putting her surgery start time around 1:30.

pre-op

2011-09-20T07:56:00.000-07:00

So... this is happening right now.

I call this photo "still life with surgical barnacles and bad abstract expressionist hospital art."

first update

2011-09-20T05:54:00.000-07:00

We just heard that JoHa is off to get one last MRI. It will be another hour or two before surgery.

Beautiful Sunday

2011-09-18T19:22:00.000-07:00

Today was a great day in Minneapolis! It started out with sleeping in, coffee, and Colossal Cafe, and then my favorite. Hooping with Marney, Rob, and Jessica in the Lake Harriet bandshell. After some leftover Pizza Luce, I went for a walk and then to the Sculpture Gardens.

It is soon time for me to finish packing for Rochester. As one of my dear friends said today, she feels like I am getting ready for a really important race. Rest is important, I'm a little neurotic about what to pack, and just a tad bit grumpy:-) She is absolutely right, but I always do best when well-prepared!

And now, back to my tea...

3TC...

2011-09-13T18:19:00.000-07:00

This is called "the end of the world" a beautiful area where you can see wild goats, watch the whales when they are in the area, jump off cliffs, or simply take in the beauty of all that is around.

Life has been a roller coaster once again. But the longer I am on this earth, the more I see that everyone's life is a roller coaster ride. The high of my summer/fall was definitely my trip to HI. What a spectacular, healing, magical place. Thanks to Rose who made it happen. And for all of the friends I met while visiting. The connection to the ocean was very powerful. I definitely think it's because I'm a Pisces. This trip literally is "just what the Doctor ordered."

I spent my days snorkeling, swimming, stand-up padelling, hiking, running, eating wonderful fresh food, and the list goes on. I am already trying to make a plan for my next visit, but it may have to wait a bit...but a girl has to dream!

After my first run in Brooks new Pure running shoes! I loved them, and they're pretty cute too:-)

And now for the "good stuff."

On the upside, Colin will soon be managing my blog. Finally, some funny engaging posts for you to enjoy! Unfortunately, the reason for his reinstatement as official blogger is because I am going to be having surgery for the 3rd time.

Just before leaving for vacation, I had a routine visit with my doctor. As I was perusing his national geographic bird book and trying to remember scientific names of birds I have never seen, I had a premonition that my scan was not good. I was write, there is new growth/activity in the area of my tumor and after speaking with my oncologist, neurologist, surgeon, and a radiation specialist, I decided that surgery was my best option.

I feel strong going into this surgery which I know will help with recovery. My surgery is scheduled for Tuesday September 20th, a mere one week from today. I am just now taking sundresses and sandals out of my suitcase for MN fall clothes. Rob and I will be leaving Saturday for his first trip to the Midwest, not quite the way you picture it, but that's the way it goes.

Beginning Monday, Colin will update my blog and let everyone know how surgery and recovery are going. My stay in MN will be until the 17th, just enough time to go to my 10 year college reunion and spend time with old friends.

Thank you for your friendship!

August 21st?

2011-08-21T10:32:00.000-07:00

How time has flown this summer. It is hard to believe that we are nearing the end of August. My blogging has been non existent this summer which usually means I have been having a blast. And I have!

I spent 12 days in MN this summer and felt like a kid! I hit up over 10 lakes, kayaked, swam, tubed, napped, spent time with all sorts of relatives and came back to Bend feeling refreshed and ready for my first term of summer school teaching!

Two classes, three credits each, 4 days per week yields for a lot of work but it has been so rewarding and fun. Definitely worth it. And a week ago my parents left after a busy, fun-filled trip: hiking, "rowing," great food, Crater Lake, hooping in the park and the list goes on.

Finally, the grand finale before fall officially begins: Yes, here in OR school doesn't start until late September so I have a little more time to play.

Hood To Coast with team Girls Just Want to Have Fun. Maybe not quite as fit as I would like but after 2 years of not being able to race, I am so excited to be back on the team!

Hawaii!!! My first trip ever to paradise. 12 days of fun. I will keep you posted on my outings.

I LOVE Running...

2011-06-18T12:14:00.000-07:00

The past week has rekindled my love of running. It started last weekend with the 10th annual Dirty Half right here in my back yard. It was a beautiful day, some of my best friends were visiting from out of town, and most of the runners in the Half Marathon Training group I coached were all running the race as well.

It was the first time since completing treatment that I have felt ready to start training again, not just running, but training! I still have some aches and pains-if anyone has a recommendation for a great foot/ankle specialist in Bend, send the contact my way! But I felt strong and excited about competing again sometime soon!

To add to the love of running, yesterday a group of 4 women ran a beautiful long run, with 2 of us completing about 19 miles (a bit longer then intended) while making it to the snow line, climbing for miles to find a spectacular view of the Central OR mountains. The downhill back on single track was great and rewarding. A mile from the cars, I took a nose dive, sliding through the dust, dirt, and bushes straight for a big stump. I was literally staring it down and about 2 inches before my face collided I managed to stop. Katie, my running partner for the day, was laughing uncontrollably and then I was too, covered in dirt from head to toe, laughing as we made it back to the car.

And those are the days that reinforce my love for this great sport that gives me guidance, peace, friendship, and so much more.

What a marvelous week!

To my mom.

2011-06-03T19:19:00.000-07:00

Today is my mom's 60th Birthday! She may not be excited that I am posting here age, but she won't know until it's too late ;-)

For over 1/2 of her life, she has been a wonderful wife, mother, friend, and role model. We are Norwegian Lutherans from Northern MN. Our family truly is like Prairie Home Companion sometimes, so it is hard for most in my family to accept compliments and realize their greatness.

So here goes: My mom (and Dad, too, but it's not his birthday :-) has been the biggest supporter of all of my hopes and dreams. They don't sugar coat things and tell me if something is unreasonable, but they have always pushed me to be my best and to follow my heart. With that being said, my mom has given me many hugs and sent me on my way West, even when she wanted to hold on tight and keep me closer to home. She has sat in hospital rooms in her strong, quiet way supporting me. She has driven across the country with Lymes disease to help me move to Bend...and the list goes on.

The most important things she has shown me are how to love unconditionally, to work hard for what you believe in and to never stop learning and growing as a human being in this crazy world. I continually look for her for guidance as I travel down my path and she is always there no matter what adventure I scheme up.

Marney and I know we are lucky to have grown up in such a loving, caring, and fun family.

Thank you mom for being our best friend and the greatest mom! I love you, Johanna

Still Dreaming

2011-05-30T21:53:00.000-07:00

It's 9:30 pm and "past my bedtime." I am sitting on my new rug dreaming of what I'm going to be when I grow up...My heart is still a competitive,"fast" runner ready to get out there and tear up the trails, the roads, and even the track. But over the past 11 months, yes it's been 11 months since finishing chemo! my body has continued to attempt to teach me lessons in patience.

I don't want to listen. Each day it's seems to be something new, my right hamstring, then my ankle, now my sciatic nerve. What the heck, I tell you. I do still feel so grateful for my health, but I want to be able to run without pain. Instead of continuing my frustration, I am taking up a personal comedy routine each night-this is 4 nights in a row. Comedy you say? Yes, it's called Johanna doing Yoga. I am going to complete 30 days of Yogamazing Podcasts and see if there are improvements, Chaz I'm sure hoping so.

Along with this new found commitment to increasing my range of motion, I am going to TRX classes that totally kick my butt-so of course I LOVE them!

The past 12 weeks I have coached a tremendous group of people through the FootZone and many of them ran their first ever 1/2 marathon yesterday. Seeing so many people reach above and beyond what they thought they could do has re-inspired me to use my gifts, cherish them, and strive each day to healing my body so that it can perform like I know it's capable: Not only for me...

Route for Wednesday's class

2011-05-10T08:25:00.000-07:00

Here is the route for class wednesday.

Teff Ginger Cake

2011-05-08T06:35:00.000-07:00

Over the past couple of months, I have been toying with the idea of going gluten free. I don't want to seeing as I LOVE my bread and cereal and run long distances. But since taking it out of my diet, I have felt a lot better and my neck that has itched on and off since high school, has stopped itching! I just realized that when it was the worst has always been when I am training the most and eating the most wheat! I am not yet convinced, but for now am experimenting with gluten free grains and the Teff Ginger Cake (she called it bread) Daniel Dahl and I made last night is phenomenal.

The recipe we used was adapted from Gluten Free by Nature:

In a prep bowl, combine then set aside
3/4 cup teff flour (Using Vitamix, we ground our own flour!)
1/3 cup brown rice flour
1/4 cup arrowroot starch (or corn starch)
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp xanthan gum
1/2 tsp cloves
1 tsp cinnamon
1 1/2 tsp ground ginger (we used 1 tbsp fresh grated ginger)
In the bowl of a stand mixer, beat until light and fluffy
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce (we made our applesauce in the vitamix from a large braeburn)
1/2 cup oil (grapeseed, coconut or other)
1/4 cup coconut sugar (we cut this in 1/2 and used cane sugar)
then add and beat until combined
1 egg
then add and beat until smooth – about 30 seconds
1/2 cup unsulphured molasses (NOT blackstrap) and (we cut this in 1/2 and it was great)
1/2 cup hot filtered water
pour dry ingredients slowly into wet ingredients just until combined, paying attention not to over mix . Bake 30 minutes. Makes 10-12 squares.

This was a really great recipe light and fluffy with a really neat texture. Can't wait to try more teff recipes!

Woot!

2011-04-20T21:38:00.000-07:00

April 20th and yesterday I had GREAT news. Another clean scan. My original goal after surgery (because I always need goals) was to make it one year without any more treatments. It has now been nine months and there's no change in my scan. I am so thankful and feel really blessed for all of the great things in my life.

And now it's on to the next big event for me: the NW hoop gathering. Can't wait to show off my skillz:-)

"appreciate yourself and honor your soul."

2011-03-26T15:00:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow will be a mere three weeks since I completed the Napa Valley Marathon. I still have much to say. I have not yet taken the time to put into words my experience and new goals for the future.

And Why? you may ask. I received a wonderful gift from my parents for my birthday, a ticket to the NW Hoop gathering where I will spend three days learning and meeting others in the hoop community! I am so excited as it really has changed my life! The second reason is that I have started coaching a 1/2 marathon training group through FootZone and it is incredible! We have 60+ people out every Saturday morning, rain or shine!

Next weekend I will be heading to Colorado Springs for a great learning opportunity at the NSCA headquarters, and endurance symposium. I am hoping to have a few moments on the plane to record my thoughts and then share them with you.

More thoughts to come

2011-03-08T23:17:00.000-08:00

It has been two days since I completed the Napa Valley Marathon. First and foremost, I am most grateful for the ability to run 26.2 miles. What a rewarding experience that I am still trying to soak up and create a post to match the experience.

The support of many people I know and many I may not, helped me along the way. I look forward to sharing more as I recover and find a way to express the wonderful weekend in CA.

Snow Day

2011-02-15T11:55:00.000-08:00

It has been far too long for this post. I have attempted a post several times and then something distracts me and I never post.

But it's a SNOW DAY here in Bend. What a wonderful treat. Instead of teaching a class about preventing cardiovascular disease, I spent the morning skiing from my front door to check out the neighborhood. Kids playing, people shoveling, even chainsaws going to remove broken branches due to the heavy, wet snow. It was a fun morning!

In less than 3 weeks, I will be with my mom and sister in Napa, CA for my first marathon since 2008 Twin Cities marathon where I was halucinating a third arm due to my tumor. No more halucinations, clean bill of health, and I am ready to go.

I fall back into my old ways sometimes of wanting to be skinnier, faster, etc. But then I go out on the trail and run and feel at peace with everything and feel so very blessed that I am strong enough to run a marathon, no matter the speed. With a foot of new snow out of my window, I am enjoying my time before an adventurous run.

New Light

2011-01-06T20:34:00.000-08:00

As the winter solstice has passed and the days are getting longer, I feel positive energy in the air! It may also help that it was almost 50 degrees and sunny here in Bend today. A little warm, but to feel spring in the air, even for a day is refreshing.

The following is a poem my Hoop instructor Mollie shared in class today.

WE HAVE NOT COME TO TAKE PRISONERS

We have not come here to take prisoners,
But to surrender ever more deeply
To freedom and joy.

We have not come into this exquisite world
To hold ourselves hostage from love.

Run my dear,
From anything
That may not strengthen
Your precious budding wings.

Run like hell my dear,
From anyone likely
To put a sharp knife
Into the sacred, tender vision
Of your beautiful heart.

We have a duty to befriend
Those aspects of obedience
That stand outside of our house
And shout to our reason
"O please, O please,
Come out and play."

For we have not come here to take prisoners
Or to confine our wondrous spirits,

But to experience ever and ever more deeply
Our divine courage, freedom and
Light!

~ Hafiz ~

(The Gift ~ versions of Hafiz by Daniel Ladinsky)

To MN and back again

2010-12-31T06:43:00.001-08:00

When I arrived in MN 2 weeks ago, I started a post that I thought funny but never quite got to posting it. Now here I am 2 weeks later, sitting at home in Bend, drinking coffee and planning my work day. Of course the work day also involves a run and hooping-essentials, ya know.

Some may think, 12 days in MN, in winter-What are you thinking? And yes, I wish for the holidays my family lived in So Cal, but I had such a wonderful time.

I hooped with the women in my family overlooking one of the Minneapolis lakes thanks to harmonyhoops and Jessica, our instructor.

Mom may be hooked on it now, too!

I had the chance to visit my only God child and his parents, re-connect with old friends, ski at Blacksgrove to name a few.

But my favorite thing was decorating the tree as a family. We haven't done that in years and as we were decorating and listening to christmas music, I of course, had to hoop dance for the family in the living room!

I am so lucky to be blessed with such a loving, fun family. Thank you for helping to make my trip home so fun!

My message is the practice of compassion, love and kindness. Compassion can be put into practice if one recognizes the fact that every human being is a member of humanity and the human family regardless of differences in religion, culture, color and creed. Deep down there is no difference. Dalai Lama

Happy new year! Many more wonders to come in 2011

Thursday, December 2, 2010

2010-12-05T20:52:00.000-08:00

Thursday, December 2 2010 was a monumental day for me. I have been searching, searching for something these past months. When I finished Chemotherapy I thought everything would just be wonderful. But it was still challenging and I kept thinking there is something more for me. And last Thursday, I found peace, found myself.

It is hard to describe but as I was running through snow and eventually in the dark, a change happened. It is as though the "old" Johanna, that my family and friends from a long time ago know, is back. For two years I have been in a bit of a fog, but when you are in the fog you don't even know it. On that run, I woke up and am full of energy, life, and the serious urge to have fun!

And after this run I had my first hoop dance class! Thank you Rob for introducing me to this and Mollie for being a great instructor. It's my new thing. I can't wait to turn on the music and hoop in my living room. I am ready to enjoy the ride!

Thanksgiving

2010-11-27T07:08:00.000-08:00

I am sitting in one of my best friend's dining room, watching the snow fall as I write this. The only thing to make it better would be the fire we had going last night. There are many things to be thankful for this year and to be writing this while in my favorite town makes it even sweeter.

1. My family who is ever supportive and loving and my best friends.
2. My friends, many of whom I also consider family.
3. The healing powers of the mountains and every visit I get to Sun Valley
4. Grandma-you are so strong and I'm proud of you!
5. Continued strength. with the support of so many, I am excited to start racing again this spring!
6. A new home which has embraced me and helped me to feel immediately welcome
7. Skiing
8. Running
9. Getting outside of the box. This week I'm going to try Zumba for the first time AND signed up for hooping lessons.

Life has its ups and downs, that's for certain. But this weekend, I feel blessed for all of the great things I have!

Soup from Scratch

2010-11-21T20:27:00.000-08:00

Last week I made this incredible soup filled with onions, tomatoes, Japanese sweet potato, quinoa noodles, garam marsala spice, carrots...so where are the pictures you ask? It was delectable, beautiful, oh so good. I was truly proud of a soup I had made with no recipe, reason, or rhyme

But then...I ate it on Friday for dinner and just so happened to get sick on Friday night. It's not quite as good coming up and now I am afraid to make it again. I don't think the two were related but, by association alone, it's going to be tough to eat again.

Rest was the prescription for Saturday. I lounged in my pj's until almost noon, then rented "Letters to Juliet" and watched that in the afternoon, followed by a 7:00 bedtime and great 11 hours for sleep.

Feeling rejuvenated, I went for my planned 1/2 marathon preview of the Dirty 1/2, a June trail race in Bend. I had a great run with a light dusting of snow and just a beautiful morning. Follow that with some good relaxation and great conversations and my weekend turned out to be terrific.

To a great week!

Life is good

2010-11-09T17:34:00.000-08:00

My weekend trip to MN has come and gone. What a whirlwind it was. I saw many friends and experienced a great MIAC meet where the Hamline men won the conference and raced incredibly well and the women, too, competed well. It was so great to see "my" team from last year, their enthusiasm for running and racing inspired me!

So this past weekend was a great one for me as well. I road biked for the first time in about 2 years. 18 miles averaging 14 mph, I don't think it'll take too much work to go from that to 112 miles avg 20 mph? He He, but it was great to be out on a beautiful fall day.

And then the most exciting part of the weekend, 17 mile trail run in Sisters, OR with Sean Meissner. And along the way, at 1:35, I had a great belly flop on the trail, it was such a great flop that nothing actually hurts-I did a great job of distributing the impact.

Things are coming along here in Bend, the snow is falling, and I am looking at my XC skis...

I'm sure I will have many more stories as I attempt to become a nordic skier:-)

American Flyers

2010-10-27T11:13:00.000-07:00

Not for Grandma's eyes...

2010-10-23T07:29:00.001-07:00

You might be thinking I'm going ramble off a bunch of @$^& or #@(&^ and my grandma can't see that. But no...it's about decisions that make Grandma's worry.

My grandma is pretty cool, she even e-mails! But she's a bit of a worrier, I think all of the women inherited that trait:-)

I finished work a bit before 5 on Friday and was itching for a good trail run. So I biked home as fast as I could hopped in my car and headed to the trail head where I wanted to start. It's now 5:23, cloudy, and the end of October. So I decide to try a new trail. It's beautiful, there's waterfalls I hadn't seen, beautiful trees, great trail and it's only for hikers, no bikes, no horses. So I am all alone.

At 14 minutes, I get to a sign indicating distances and where each trail heads. Happy Valley, three miles-"I can do that." and I know that the other trail that leads to the parking lot meets up with Happy valley (again, never having tried this). It's a little dark, but I am not worried. So I keep going, the trail closes in a bit, it gets darker. It's beautiful and I am loving every second of this gradual uphill trail.

I hit the river and...can't see the trail any more. I have been running for a little under 40 minutes. I look for a second for the trail and think, "No one knows I'm running, no one knows I'm here, I better turn around." So that's what I do. And you're thinking, why would I be worried.

As Marney and I always have, my active imagination starts going wild as it gets darker and darker. Isn't dusk the time for wild animals to be out? I pick up the pace and start flying down the trail. Sunddenly there's a big noise right in front of me and I see the rump of a large deer (I want to say moose to make it a better story, but it wasn't). Now I am on high alert. A friend of mine recently told me a bounch of cougar stories.

So now I'm really on edge, running as fast as I can but it's too dark, so I have to slow down. I get close to the parking lot and it's dark, I haven't fallen or broken anything or been eaten by a wild animal. Whew, but then the imagination... What if there's a bad guy waiting to attack me in the parking lot? I am above the lot and it's my car alone, a good sign. I get my key out as I'm sprinting towards my car. Take a glance around, jump in the car and am out of there in about 2 seconds. And I am safe!

Tattoo

2010-10-16T07:19:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, Colin got a kickin' tattoo on his forearm. It got me thinking, should I follow in his path? I think it'd be pretty rad to have a skull tattoo. I'll be home in a couple of weeks and just maybe that will be an activity for the family to do.

Hmmm...

Should I do it?

Dark Chocolate Coconut Creme Pie

2010-09-19T07:40:00.000-07:00

I have been "planning" for this pie for nearly a month now. My neighbor and friend had a birthday yesterday (and my 1/2 birthday was the day before) and he loves chocolate and coconut. I found this recipe and thought, "how can I pass up the opportunity to try something new...a pie crust and then whisking tapioka starch into boiling coconut milk without getting lumps!

And what did this create? The BEST darn pie I could have ever dreamed of, in fact, if I were sleeping, I'd be dreaming about it right now.

The recipe comes from Elana's Pantry

A little preview for you Gleeks out there...

Oh Happy Day

2010-09-06T21:30:00.000-07:00

As I sit in my new home in Bend, I realized it's been nearly a month since my last post! The past month has been filled with wonderful things and I am so happy: Two of my closest friends were married earlier this summer, "our" Hood to Coast team won the women's division-I had no real part in it except congratulating the women as I relaxed at the beach, I started my new job, have met some really wonderful people here already, and Marney just left from a spectacular weekend visit.

Life truly is a gift. As I hiked with Marney by lava flows, streams, huge pines, and mountains in the backdrop, I felt remarkably lucky. It's not every day that you can celebrate life with your best friend:-) Yes, I've gotten even cheesier in my "old" age... There was true reason for celebration as I had a "your scan looks great" result at my appointment on Friday.

This is for my sis, and Amy and Chase:-)

The greatest brother in law

2010-08-10T08:53:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share with you Colin's new and improved website. I am going to do all I can to help Colin and Marney as they are two of the best people I know! Please show your support for them in any way that you can. Our family may be going through some tough times, but the support we continue to receive from family, friends, and even strangers is really indescribable.

My goal is to get as many ALS assassinator shirts out there as possible, all over the country. So let's get to ordering!

Banana berry muffins

2010-08-09T12:53:00.000-07:00

My baking bug came back this morning! I am highly pleased with my new recipe for muffins.

Mix together:

1/2 c. Agave Nectar

3/4 c. Flax meal

1/4 c. coconut milk (pictured here)

1/4 c. plain (Greek) yogurt

5 ripe, mashed bananas

Cinnamon and Nutmeg to taste

Add to above:

1c. whole wheat pastry flour

1c. Spelt flour

1/2 tsp. salt

1 tsp baking soda

I added a liberal amount of berries to this batch

350 degrees for about 35 minutes

Yield: close to 18 muffins if you taste the batter, which is always necessary.

sore thumbs

2010-08-03T16:19:00.001-07:00

After sleeping in my own bed (first-time bed buyer), I woke up to sore thumbs! At first I couldn't figure it out, but then I remembered: oh yeah, I spent over 8 hours putting together a bed with 6 drawers, a baker's rack, and a 5 tier book shelf. Now I don't think it was supposed to take 8 hours, but it did for me-with a few chocolate breaks added in, of course!

To feel truly settled in to Bend, I have a few more things left on my list. 2 of which will be crossed off in the next couple of days. First is to get a community library card.

Finally, some pictures

2010-07-28T18:28:00.000-07:00

Hiking near Bend

Mom and I were a bit fatigued, but we still had energy for this pretty view. While she and I were resting, my dad met a lot of mountain bikers and even went on a group ride...he definitely enjoyed the vacation!

This truly is a picture from one point. It was really awesome to see the contrast between high desert and green grass just by scanning left to right. Also a highlight for me: I saw my first rattle snake! I took a picture but it is just a sage brush.

Bend, OR

2010-07-21T13:24:00.000-07:00

It's been an interesting trip to say the least. I made it to Bend with my parents and stuff in two honda fits. My new oncologist seems very knowledgeable and that is reassuring. I had more lab work done, and unfortunately, my body has yet to recover from round 10. My platelets are still very low-even after a transfusion. In addition, my WBC, and neutrophils are also low, and I am anemic...but I feel fine, so that is good news.

A more interesting post with pictures to come soon...

Thank you again for your support, as the Doctors all keep telling me, this is something I will be managing long-term. But it's my one year anniversary today for brain surgery number 2. And I take that as a good sign:-)

Relaxation

2010-07-09T11:54:00.000-07:00

It's been a crazy couple of weeks. I don't know how people have time for jobs:) Last week, Marney and I were lucky enough to go to our great Aunt's 98th, yes 98, birthday party. My grandma is the baby at 85. My 93 year old great uncle flew from FL to visit as well.

Camden State Park, MN

Yesterday was a beautiful summer day to spend with my sister: breakfast, kayaking, shopping, and ice cream! The best!It's great to feel like "me" again. Tomorrow will be my first "race" in over a year. This past year has changed my perspective a bit. I still want to get fast and be competitive. More than anything, however, I just honestly feel lucky that I can run and that it still brings so much peace and joy to my life. It doesn't matter (as much) that I'm getting passed by middle-aged women in high waisted running shorts. I can only go up from here!

It's time to celebrate!

2010-07-01T05:21:00.000-07:00

It has been almost one year since I had brain surgery! I still can't quite believe it's already been a year. At the same time, I can't quite believe it's only been a year (minus 20 days). In this past 11+ months, I have had quite a ride. I packed up my car and left Spokane for Minneapolis in late September, worked at Starbucks, coached at Hamline University, applied fo,r and got, a job that I am so excited about, and successfully completed 10 rounds of chemo.

Which leads me up to yesterday, Wednesday June 30. I spent Tuesday in Marshall, MN with my grandparents and 93 year-old great uncle before heading to my Oncology appointment yesterday afternoon. Now, I was pretty nervous about this appointment as I was going to receive the news about my last MRI. But I kept calm in the lobby and read restaurant reviews until they finally called me back.

Blood pressure: 80/50
Heart rate: 50
I guess I wasn't that nervous.

And then...the moment of truth. My scan appears stable once again, which is quite good news. But the most exciting, and unexpected, news came next. Dr. S. said he thought it was time for me to stop chemo. No more rounds! It still hasn't quite registered, but I'm getting there.

So what is next?

There still is no cure for brain tumors, and I have been told to think of it as a chronic illness that we will manage over time. When I move to Bend, I will have another MRI and that will be a baseline scan. From that point, it's scans every 3-4 months. And if there is a change in the scan, I know the treatment options that I have.

But that is neither her nor there today. It's time to relax and enjoy today!

Perspectives

2010-06-21T14:42:00.001-07:00

This past weekend I was talking to a good friend of mine. We hadn't talked in just over two weeks, it turns out I had a lot to say. I began with telling her that things were going well and how happy I was (which I truly mean). When she asked what had been happening, here were the things I got to say:
1. I had a blood transfusion (that was 3 weeks ago now)
2. Colin fractured his face in three places
3. My dad had to be treated for a tick-borne illness
4. My hometown of Wadena, MN was struck by a devastating tornado. Although there is much destruction, I am so happy that no one in Wadena was seriously injured.

Despite all of this excitement, I had some time now that I am on vacation, to relax and enjoy the great outdoors.

And now it's off for round 10 of chemotherapy. I guess that's good news, but I always dread it just a little bit, or a lot. Wish me luck as I get one round closer to finishing this darn treatment.

Another Chapter

2010-06-16T06:53:00.000-07:00

Another chapter in my life has come to an end. June 13, 2010 was officially my last day at Starbucks. I had a wonderful, albeit dorky, send-off. Not many people can say that over 10 family members came into work on their last day to celebrate with them. Yes, pictures were taken...
What an incredible family! Thanks for a great weekend!

My platelets have the blues

2010-05-29T17:33:00.000-07:00

Johanna's platelets have the blues from colin farbotko on Vimeo.

Colin may be neglecting his own blog, but he certainly makes mine worth following!

Wacky, wonderful, and wild

2010-05-28T19:39:00.000-07:00

Tonight is a night that deserves chocolate ice cream. And that's what I'm eating, straight out of the Schwan's container! Why may you ask? My life has changed dramatically in the past week, I still can't believe it's only been a week.

Last Friday, I went to Bend, OR to interview for a position at Central Oregon Community College. For those of you that don't know Bend, it's an outdoor enthusiasts dream! Hiking, biking, skiing, you name it they have it. And not only am I going to live in this fabulous place, I have a new job! A real, live job as the exercise physiology lab coordinator at COCC. I am thrilled! So that's the wonderful.

The wacky and wild (putting a positive spin on things) today I went into the doc for blood work and to "start round 10" as I now realize, I naively believed would happen. Instead of starting another round, I headed to the hospital for my first ever platelet transfusion (cartoon soon to come) Yes, I spent my Friday night alone in a hospital room getting some platelets to up my count from 8000...hence the huge bruises I have.

In hindsight, I maybe should not have gone for a run and 15 mile bike ride yesterday. I am supposed to stay away from sharp objects, not bump my head, and if my nose or gums start bleeding it's off to the ER.

The take home message I am learning this year is if you work hard and keep plugging away some things really do work out. And then something else hits you smack in the face and brings you back to reality. But I am happier and more at ease than I've been in a long time. That is largely due to the fact that my sister is so wonderful. She is my best friend and biggest supporter. Without her, I don't know that I'd have the same strength to keep dreaming big and fighting to reach those dreams. For those of you that know Marney-please remind her of this, and those of you that don't-if you ever meet her-tell her Thanks!

Kindness

2010-05-17T20:44:00.000-07:00

The kindness that others have shown to me this past year is indescribable. It has been a challenging year, to say the least, but I have surrounded myself with positive people, my family, Hamline Track & Field, friends all over the country continue to check in, even when I sometimes don't get back to them for weeks, and the distance running community.

The latest example of this: All of the proceeds from selling these shirts at the section 6A true team meet were to help me! I've been out of high school a LONG time now, and still, this community that meant so much to me as a kid, is still shining! Thank you to the athletes that raced and still love Track & Field!

75% Complete

2010-05-06T12:44:00.000-07:00

I am back among the living. I wish my posts were as clever as Colin's, I promise I'll try next time...This round seemed especially challenging but if you ask my sister, she might tell you I say that each round. This past week I was a super sleeper. From Sunday afternoon until Wednesday at 4:30 a.m. when I went to work, I think I was awake for maybe 6 hours!

round nine

2010-05-03T18:24:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! Johanna's brother-in-law, Colin, here. Joha is currently mired in round nine of chemo, so I'm hijacking her blog again. Last time she did chemo, and wasn't feeling well enough to blog, I posted this little gem. Now that she's doing another round, I'm back, baby.

A few people asked me where I got such a Metal photo of Johanna. the answer is, of course, Photoshop. However, the image of Johanna in that totally awesome pose had to come from somewhere. and here it is;

Wonder what's going on in this picture? It's far weirder then you're thinking, I guarantee you.

The two of us are belting out the theme song to the 80s cartoon the Gummi Bears. That's right. The gummi bears. I'm so ashamed.

I am wearing a shirt from the 2006 Pig Man triathlon, so I'm guessing this was summer of 2007. You may be thinking to yourself, "wow, that Colin is a real nut job. What 29-year-old (at the time) knows the theme song to an old kids cartoon?"

I'd like to point out that the laptop in the photo belongs to Johanna. We are singing along to the theme song which we found in her iTunes library. Oh, she didn't go download it. She already had it.

Do you know why she had it? Because Johanna rocks. That's why.

"What a difference a day can make"

2010-04-27T11:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was just one of those days. I had a rough go at everything and life seemed a bit overwhelming. But today the sun is shining, I got to run and am sitting in a coffee shop working away before heading to Hamline for practice.

I want to thank anyone who is still reading this for your continued support. I am lucky to have my wonderful family nearby and to have a lot of things going right. But life can be a bit tricky and to know there are people far and wide helping me and hoping I reach my goals keeps me going when I have days like yesterday.

To coffee, sunshine, and running!

Still no go

2010-04-24T04:08:00.000-07:00

I still can't start chemo! My WBC count is still too low. I am going to try to rest a lot this weekend, get the right amount of sleep, and hope they are high enough next week. It's high time I get this round over.

Take 4

2010-04-23T06:02:00.001-07:00

Third time wasn't a charm for my blood counts so maybe the fourth time will be? Each of the last three weeks feels like borrowed time and I have definitely taken advantage. I reconnected with a Luther friend for some hiking at Taylor's Falls State park early this week. And I also had a first time experience of attending Drake Relays as a coach! What a rewarding experience.

The extra weeks without chemo have been wonderful but I am now nervous for how I will feel when I finally start round 9. I am hoping the respite will give me strength and it won't be as bad, but know that it could be worse because I forgot how it feels.

Wish me luck with my blood counts. Colin, Marney, and I forgot to bet so we'll just make Marney treat us to dinner no matter what:-)

Have a wonderful weekend.

Third time is not a charm

2010-04-17T03:56:00.001-07:00

I headed back to the doctor for more blood work on Thursday, April 15th. I thought for sure my blood counts would be fine and I could get round 9 over and feel the finish line. My platelet counts were high enough, but as my nurse said, "you failed in the white blood cell count and neutrophils." Another week of waiting. No worries, I just think of it as an extra week of getting to feel good, to run, and to be the best coach I can be.

A few things I've tried to change so my immune system can get stronger:
1. Sleep-I have a hard time saying no to things that I think are good, so I've been sleeping less than I should
2. Nutrition-I'm making sure to get my fruits and veggies every day: beet, carrot, celery, apple, ginger, spirulina juice anyone
3. Relax-I used to be really good at this, but lately I feel so focused that I haven't allowed any time for relaxation, the cure: Watching Glee with Marney, yes Glee

Boring Blood counts

2010-04-10T18:08:00.000-07:00

24,000 Platelet count = another week of waiting for round number 9. I thought for sure they'd be higher this time, but no luck. The nurses and doctors say I just need to wait until the poison runs its course. Sounds great. On the brighter side, I am enjoying the beautiful spring days we are having in MN, with track meets, bike rides, and runs.

Since moving back to Minneapolis, I have increased my listening tastes by some people's standards. But sometimes some good ol' Kenny Chesney is what I need. In fact, I've been trying to figure out a way to meet him, if anyone has any good ideas, let me know. If I were a kid, I could use make a wish...I mean I have a grade 4 brain tumor and am undergoing chemotherapy. But I don't think they do make-a-wishes for 31 year olds...Why do I like Kenny?

My dream of becoming a surfer = Anything But Mine

Driving across the country, and more specifically through Eastern Oregon = Freedom

Love Lost = Better as a Memory

Reflections = Blue Chair

Now I don't have a truck, a gun, a dog, or a horse, but some "good country" blaring in the car can make you feel. Feel a little sad, a little happy, and for me a lot dreamy-as in dreaming of what still can be.

Pics and more

2010-04-10T17:48:00.001-07:00

Here is the view from our hotel balcony. Every morning, I woke up early to run along the boardwalk or beach and then hit a neighborhood coffee shop for my americano before the day began...rough life:-)

This is the view from Point Loma Nazarine University Track! Pretty incredible, I would say

One of four: attempting to win a pizza contest check out Luigi's pizza contest The Hamline athletes who attempted it were not successful, but Mr. Bauer and I felt pretty lucky because we got to eat a free piece of pizza out of the deal.

One of my favorite parts of the trip. Those of us not able to do the run/workouts had a wonderful alternative. We rented beach cruisers and rode around Mission Bay. A few mishaps with chains falling off and running red lights but we all made it back with stories to tell!

Here I am, our last day. We went to Coronado Island where I think I could spend a little more time...

Results

2010-04-04T04:34:00.000-07:00

I had my second MRI since beginning chemotherapy and again, the results indicate stability. This is a good sign and the longer I can go with no appearance of re-growth the great the chance that all of this tumor shooting is doing its job.

As for my blood counts; They were really low, hence the massive hematoma (aka bruise and swelling) from the catheter that was inserted in my arm for the MRI. My platelet count was down to 23,000-the lowest yet. And in some crazy, demented way I feel a little proud of that...I need it to be 50,000 to begin chemo again. I hope that next Friday will find it higher so I can begin round 9. The end is actually getting to be in sight! Yay.

Running news: Last week in San Diego I ran 11 miles with the women (in one run:-) And yesterday I ran 11.5 while my mom biked with me. Maybe the marathon next December won't be so bad...and I can't wait to toe some starting lines later this spring and summer.

Coming soon: Some pics from my San Diego trip.

San Diego here I come

2010-03-26T02:38:00.000-07:00

This afternoon I embark on my first spring break trip as a coach! Hamline is bringing about 50 athletes and 6 coaches to San Diego for a weekend filled with running, throwing, jumping and fun in the sun! I can't wait. And to fully prepare myself, I have a pedicure scheduled for this morning.

Dreams and Goals: Those of you that know me, know that I am a dreamer and that I dream of doing great things! Last weekend I got to run with one of my best friends and long-time running partner, this was a real treat for me, and I figured something out on this run. I realized that the reason I have such a STRONG desire to enter into full-time collegiate coaching and/or teaching students at any level is partly because of my brain tumor. Along with my diagnosis comes a bit of a mortality check. Right now, I feel great, am healthy (between rounds of chemo-which should be done by the 4th of July!) and have a passion for teaching and coaching. But I am faced with a reality that this may not last for 50 more years. I plan to be around a long time but I also want to really DO something right now.

I feel lucky in my life that I have been able to spend the last six months with Marney and Colin and be close to my whole family. I have also been blessed with a new running "family" in Hamline. With this support network, I am ready to embark on another journey, a career where I can combine my love of running, teaching, and learning to help others. This desire to really make a difference and to be the best person I can be is strong! It's so exciting to think of the possibilities...will I find something here in "the cities," out west, on the east coast? Only time will tell. As I look towards my future, I have not forgotten about the present. Coaching at Hamline this winter and spring is such a joy and I have learned so much. And then I get to come home and make great, spicy food with Colin and Marney:-)

I hope that you understand a bit where my life is and where I want it to go. Eloquence in my writing is something that seems to be present on a run where I am filled with wonderful things to say. Then I sit down at the computer and it is just not quite the same.

To a weekend filled with track and field, beaches, sun, and great people! Enjoy

Finishing off round 8 of chemo

2010-03-14T14:49:00.000-07:00

Hi folks! Johanna's brother-in-law, Colin, here. As you all know Johanna just finished round 8 of her chemotherapy. She makes it sound like it isn't a big deal, but it's pretty difficult for her to finish off all those pills. This last round we took a picture of her finishing chemotherapy. To get the full experience, listen to this while you look at the photo.

She tore up the back yard pretty good, and the fire department had to come and put that one bottle out. Watch out round 9, you're next.

Week Highlights

2010-03-12T09:05:00.000-08:00

I didn't know I would have highlights during a week of Chemo, but people have been great to me-not even knowing it's a week of chemo OR that I even have "head issues."

1. Look at this awesome collage (yes, I took a picture of a framed picture) that the Oregon State women's T&F team made for me!

2. Einstein brother's bagels are my staple this week. Good Grains with honey almond creme cheese. The girls that work there saved a couple for me today!

3. I was about ready to go right to sleep on the couch and not even check my e-mail. I was feeling a little dragged out (is that a saying?). I decided to turn on the computer and there in my inbox was a really sweet note from an athlete I coached at Wood River High School back when I lived in ID. She had no idea how much that would mean to me, especially on a day like today.

4. My college roommate and friend I haven't seen in YEARS, asked me to go out for lunch next week!

5. And...it's raining! Some may think dark and dreary, but it reminds me of the pacific northwest and feels so refreshing.

And now I am officially exhausted, will put in a chic flick that I will maybe see 10 minutes of, and fall fast asleep on the couch.

Thanks to everyone who keeps thinking of me and sending me positive energy, I really do think it helps!

Round 8

2010-03-08T17:07:00.000-08:00

It is time for round 8 of my rounds of chemotherapy. As usual, I feel a little apprehensive but know that the week will go by quickly-of course it does when I sleep for 75% of it! Before the tiredness and nausea kick in, I wanted to give a little "shout out" to my sister, Marney!

People have been sending me words of encouragement and support for months now and that has helped tremendously. I cannot express my gratitude to all of my friends, near and far. However, my sister has been such a pillar for Colin and I. She continues to support us and help us whenever we need it.

She truly is the greatest sister one could ask for. Actually, she's greater! For example, yesterday she put my favorite polk-a-dot sheets on my bed for me when I was running just so it would make me feel a little better during this rough week. And I could go on and on, but she wouldn't like that very much. So as those of you that read this blog, please think of my sister and her strength as well. She is inspirational to me!

Tumor Shooter Video

2010-03-05T05:01:00.000-08:00

Last weekend's Tumor Shooter run in Corvallis, OR was a huge success! I am still amazed at all of the friends, professors, and fellow runners that came out to support me. Colin just created a great video to highlight the race and give those of you that couldn't make it a feel for the energy surrounding this great day!

Tumor Shooter Trail Run from colin farbotko on Vimeo.

Not only was the race a huge success, it got a little press in the Corvallis Gazette and the OSU Barometer. I never knew that having a brain tumor could be so much fun!

But it is now back to the "real world" and I am off to work on finding a collegiate coaching and/or teaching job for next fall! And then for a fun weekend of Track and Field at the MIAC indoor conference meet at Carleton.

Oregon Weekend!

2010-03-02T04:09:00.000-08:00

After a tremendous weekend filled with muddy runs and hikes, GREAT friends, and a never-ending supply of hugs and support, I am back in MN and headed off to work.

I cannot wait to share photos and thoughts from the weekend but wanted to make sure I sent out a big thank-you this morning to everyone who came to the Tumor Shooter Trail run put on by Strands and OSU XC and T&F team. I still can't quite find words to describe this weekend. If we can kill this tumor by kindness, I think it has to be dead after this weekend!

Tumor Shooter here we come!

2010-02-24T17:20:00.000-08:00

I am SO excited to go to Oregon this weekend! I get to see friends that I haven't seen in a couple of years, get to run on the Oregon trails, and even if there's rain, there won't be snow and ice to deal with on the run! I can't wait to see who is going to be at the race. I know it's going to be a fun celebration of running and life, and of course killing my stupid tumor.

Hope to see you there!

Round 7

2010-02-15T17:46:00.000-08:00

As some of you may know by trying to call me;this was not the best of rounds. But I made it through. I definitely spent more hours asleep than awake each day but am feeling better by the minute!

Tomorrow I plan to run again and will try to run more each week for the next three weeks! Watch out Tumor Shooter run! I think I might win because here in MN there isn't much in the way of "tanning" and if I have to wear shorts, all of the other participants are going to think I'm a ghost and who knows what will happen! Hmmm....

What could add to round 7 of chemotherapy? How about getting your driver's side mirror obliterated early Saturday morning by a baseball bat? But my little car wasn't alone, the whole block plus more got hit. Who does that?!?

Off to sweet dreams, yes I can sleep once again!

2010-02-10T09:17:00.000-08:00

Check this out on Oregon State University's XC page. I home from work, had a little tea and am now getting settled into the couch to take a long nap.

Snow Day

2010-02-08T18:00:00.001-08:00

Ketchum, ID morning light

Galena lodge, loved these two men in carharts!

Yesterday I had a snow day, as Marney put it, a mental health day. And boy was it needed. I ran 93 minutes in the snow and felt "whole" again. I'd been running down to E on my fuel and a run alone by the lakes was just what the doctor ordered. As I ran, I thought about all of the great things in my life and kept going back to running. With an old friend a few weeks ago, I talked about how I used to try to say running was not who I was. But yesterday, I happily realized, it is who I am, or at least a huge part of me. It brings me joy, freedom, reflection, time to heal my heart or my head from tough things, brings me closer to friends-even when they aren't running with me. It is the lighthouse that always helps me find my way.

Starbucks conversation: with a customer who knows about my brain tumor.

He says, "I'm getting old."

I say, " Better old than dead, right?"

He replies, "Speaking of, how are you doing?"

I respond, "speaking of dead...?"

Awkward pause... "good luck with everything."

I thought it was pretty funny, and he only meant good from it.

TV shows recommended that I am a part of:

Marney's recommendation "What not to wear." Hmmm

Ali's "The Amazing race" I think that's what it's called. But I need a partner. I can curently do only 5 pull-ups, but I will get stronger, any takers?

Colin's -a VH1 reality show where I try to "get with" a washed-up rockstar and get free booze. Those are not quite his words, but you get the picture.

It's 5:15 and about time for bed. I started round 7 of chemo yesterday and have to work at 4:30 tomorrow, please continue to keep supporting me. It helps so much

Sleep continued

2010-01-31T08:23:00.001-08:00

The fresh air and new fallen snow of the ID mountains have helped to reset my clock. Each night I've been in Sun Valley has been a fabulous 8-9 hours of sleep. Thank you! Maybe it's the combination of great friends, good food, skiing, and running...

I could not ask for a better weekend!

Sleep...

2010-01-28T00:19:00.000-08:00

I have never had insomnia. Those of you that know me, KNOW that I can sleep anytime, anywhere. The past two weeks have brought me a bout of no sleep. I got up at 1:15 a.m. this morning because I was just lying in bed. I decided that was a frustrating waste so...

Folding clothes
E-mailing students
Packing for my trip to Sun Valley!!!

I plan to call my doctor today to find out if insomnia is a side effect of chemo. If anyone has any suggestions to help me sleep more than 4 hours, let me know. Luckily, this is not an every night occurrence or there wouldn't be too many people that would want to be around me.

I am still energized by the giving spirit of so many people. This love and support truly carries me through some days, so thank you!

Save Johanna's Brain Benefit Video

2010-01-27T17:40:00.000-08:00

Here's the awesome video that Colin (aka the best brother-in-law in the world) created! Thanks to everyone for the music, laughter, and support!

Save Johanna's Brain Benefit Concert - Wadena, MN

Camera Charger Found

2010-01-25T10:24:00.000-08:00

The camera charger was successfully extracted from my closet so here are some pictures .

Benefit Concer, January 23, 2010. What a wonderful, uplifting day with good friends and family, wonderful music, and good food for all. Thank you to everyone that sang, played, made bars, braved the weather...I am one lucky gal! Video to be coming soon!

Spinach leaves with sauteed onions and golden potato "sausage" (it's vegetarian) seasoned with my anti-tumor spices...turmeric, garlic, ginger and coriander.

Just what the doctor ordered for round 6: my grandma's lefse and avave nectar.

Sunday dinner: broccoli stir fry with lots of pizzazz!

Tumor Shooter Trail Run

2010-01-21T03:54:00.000-08:00

For those of you in the Pacific NW, I hope to see you the last weekend in February!!!

Check out the fun Tumor Shooter Trail Run and register! You will get an awesome T-shirt, some mud in the forest, and a great time. I can't wait!

True Norsk

2010-01-19T10:22:00.000-08:00

It's been almost a week since my last post, thanks to round 6 of chemo.

I know I am a true Norwegian because on Friday...nausea is getting worse. I wake up and the only thing I can even THINK of eating is my grandma's lefse. I am lying in bed feeling that cereal, toast, eggs-all of it will make me vomit. But Lefse, I can eat that. And it just so happens we still had a package in the freezer from Christmas. For three days I ate lefse for breakfast and lunch! And today I'm feeling great and I still like it. So thank you to the best lefse maker and Grandma there is for stocking our freezer full and keeping me strong through this round.

As many of you may know, I am not always the most organized of individuals when it comes to my personal belongings. This one week of being laid up in bed is NOT helping the situation any. I have some great pics of foods I've made, but once again I can't find my charger.

A few things that have no pics to go along:

Wild rice dish with onions, carrots, celery, garlic and good friends

Pear, apply blueberry juice

Muffins made from the pulp of my pear, apple blueberry juice

Can you tell I'm feeling better?

This weekend is the benefit concert that my family and friends have worked really hard to plan. It's exciting that I will get to see many friends that I haven't seen in months or even years! I WILL find my charger before the weekend...

Lucky

2010-01-13T13:10:00.000-08:00

As I sit here on the couch after two of my five days of chemo, many thoughts are running through my head. Yes, I do feel tired and have an upset stomach, but I have so many great things to look forward to I can't complain that much. And hey, how many people get to sit on the couch watching CSI in the middle of the day on a Wednesday?

As I told a few people at Hamline on Monday, a lot of good things have come from my newest brain tumor:
1. I have reconnected with a lot of old friends and met some new ones
2. I am going home to Wadena for a benefit concert and will be inspired by the music and love of little old Wadena, the place I grew up
3. One of my best friends in the whole world is flying in to go to the benefit, how lucky can one be.
4. I am going to Sun Valley, ID to visit a great friend and her family. To feel the healing power of the mountains, that clear, fresh, wide-open air is unmatched. A saying I love, "in the mountains, you forget to count the days."
5. I also am going to Corvallis, OR for the Tumor Shooter Trail Run, late February.

How can I complain, I am going to get to see all the places that have helped shape who I am, and the people that have touched my life along the way.

On days like this, when I'm too tired to run, I dream about my future...and as many of you who have done long runs with me, I am quite the dreamer. There are so many things in this world that I want to, and am going to do.

I think that post is for tomorrow. Thank you for anyone who is still reading this. I am happy to share a bit of my experience of this ever-changing life.

Don't worry, I am still working at Starbucks, coaching at Hamline, and helping a friend increase her fitness.

Round 6

2010-01-12T06:27:00.000-08:00

I am into round 6 of Chemotherapy right now. I have one night down and am feeling ok. Marney reminded me that last time I felt ok through day 3 and that I was afraid it wasn't working because I felt better. And then it got worse...so I am going to celebrate that I feel "normal" today. Even though celebrate means going to work and trying to get lots done:-)

Thank you for your well-wishes. I think it makes these weeks much more bearable. And how can I feel sorry for myself when so many people have it much worse than I, and I have so much love and support from all over the country. I am a lucky woman!

Juicing and Chemotherapy

2010-01-11T07:25:00.001-08:00

Round 6 of Chemotherapy begins tonight! I never thought I would be excited to start it, but after last month with my extremely low blood counts, I was thrilled to start on time this month.

The other exciting news of the day is my juicer. Marney and Colin gave me a juicer as a christmas present and I love it! This morning I made carrot, beet, apple, clementine, ginger juice. I think it's delicious and beautiful. Marney, on the other hand, didn't think it was quite as wonderful, but she did try it.

I try to keep my posts short and to the point so people might want to read them. The past few days have brought more long-winded thoughts to mind. It may be the driving I have to do each day that gives me time to think. So be wary, I may write a little more in the near future...but for now a few picture of my latest food concoctions!

Al Vento

2010-01-09T04:55:00.000-08:00

Friday night was "chaperon night," as we are calling it. Colin, Marney and I wend to Al Vento for Marney to redeem her bet for closest to my platelet count. And boy did we have some excellent dinners, followed by a rich, chocolate dessert!

I am feeling rested and rejuvenated after a wonderful nights sleep and am very excited to do a long run with the Hamline distance crew this morning! As I start chemo again next week, I cherish the runs and company I have right now! Thank you to Hamline Track & Field for welcoming me with open arms to the team, it is a real pleasure!

Happy New Year

2010-01-02T07:43:00.000-08:00

I rang in the new year with a fondu party followed by polka dancing. What a great night. Still thinking on my new year's resolution... any ideas?

I am continuously amazed at the generosity and support that I have received since the creation of my website. I have wonderful friends, family, and even some people I don't know that are helping me. Having a brain tumor might not be the best thing in the world- I don't even think most people would think it's a close second. The wonderful thing about it though, are the connections and re-connections I have made with friends. I feel very grateful for the life that I have! Thank you!

Check it out

2009-12-29T04:53:00.000-08:00

If you haven't taken a look at the ingenious work of my brother-in-law, check out my new website! He is pretty darn good. Thanks Colin.

Spice it up

2009-12-29T04:12:00.000-08:00

Over the holiday, I made a Pumpkin Black Bean Chili from the cook book "One Dish Vegetarian Meals."

2 lbs pumpkin or butternut squash, peeled and seeded
1 tbsp olive oil
1 large onion, chopped
1 garlic clove, minced
1 jalapeno chile, minced
one 14.5 oz. can diced tomatoes, drained
one 14.5 oz. can crushed tomatoes
1 c. water
1 c. apple juice
4 tbsp chili powder (I used about 3 and my grandma couldn't eat it, too spicy)
1 tsp salt
1/8 tsp cayanne pepper
3 c. canned black beans

Heat oil, cover and cook onions, garlic and jalapeno until softened, stirring occasionally. Add all other ingredients and stir well. Bring to a boil, lower heat, cover and simmer for 30 minutes or until pumpkin is tender.

Add beans, cover and simmer another 15 minutes.

I thought this was a great recipe and also roasted the pumpkin seeds with salt and pumpkin pie spice for a special treat.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T05:19:00.000-08:00

It's early Christmas morning and I haven't checked yet to see if Santa brought me any presents. I think he might still be sleeping! I get to go to work today but first, time to shovel and check out the side roads to see how long it'll take me to get there.

Merry Christmas, everyone! I hope everyone is enjoying time with someone special to them!

Christmas Cheer

2009-12-21T17:38:00.000-08:00

After a week of near hibernation, I can't believe that Christmas is just a few days away.

The day off was filled with some shopping, lunch with a friend, and dinner with the greatest BIL! Work tomorrow comes dark and early for me, 4:30 a.m. and yes, people do come in to Starbucks at 5!

Thank you for all of you that sent me good wishes, calls, or e-mails that I failed to return the past week. Know that they help keep me going even if I feel too much like hugging the toilet to let you know.

Safe travels to all these upcoming days!

Marney wins

2009-12-14T15:27:00.000-08:00

And My counts blow us all out of the water. 62,000. So I doubled my count, Marney gets to pick the restaurant, and I have to start chemo in a few hours...

Congrats, Marn

Round 5

2009-12-14T05:59:00.000-08:00

I was planning to start round 5 of chemo last Friday. I was prepared for the week ahead. Then, bam...I get my blood counts and find out my platelets are at "critical levels." This means I get to wait until they go up. After reading a bit more about it some things I can't do:

floss my teeth

cut myself

manicure, pedicure

shave legs

and the list goes on.

Seems to me if I stop personal hygiene, I will be much less likely to be at risk! Marney and Colin might argue that I am already at low risk:-)

The bets are on. Marney, Colin, and I are having bets on what my platelet count is today. I have to hit 50,000 in order to start chemo. The winner gets to pick the restaurant when I feel ok again.

Colin: 48,500

Marney: 52,000

Johanna: 49,800

Neighbors

2009-12-08T05:03:00.000-08:00

Never before have I had a neighbor=running partner combination. But I now officially have 2! Cory and Guinness (he's the dog). I'm excited to get up around 5 to run in this balmy Minneapolis weather:-) Thanks Cory, for letting me join you!

Giving Thanks

2009-11-27T19:32:00.000-08:00

My life is a lot different at 30 than I ever imagined, but I was thinking on my run today about all of the things for which I am thankful (I was trying not to end my sentence with a preposition).

This list is not all-inclusive but it's a start.

1. That I'm alive:-)

2. My great family that continues to support me in everything.

3. My friends in Oregon

4. My friends in Spokane and WA

5. My ID friends (especially Ang who always makes sure that I have everything I need and more).

6. Apolo

7. Surly and Veronica, for keeping me company on those days when I have to sleep for 14 hours, cats just don't seem to mind.

8. Running

9. Neighbors

10. Books and people that inspire me to be a better, more giving person

11. The Seward Co-op

12. The Minnesota folks

14. The earth (I know that sounds cheesy, and it is, but it's true).

15. And lots more, but you get the picture.

I hope that everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving and safe travels.